Clik here to view.
Home supply center of DEATH!!! “The Equalizer”
At this point in our shared history of American filmmaking I think we can all agree that when it comes to originality, Hollywood is about as virile as that quadzillion year-old dude Guy Pearce played...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Total system failure: “Terminator: Genisys”
[NOTE: This reviews contains some spoilers, though nothing that wasn’t given away in the trailers for the film. Still, if you’re totally unspoiled about Terminator: Genisys you may want to avoid this...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Humanity’s greatest artistic achievement? Maybe. “Mega Shark Versus Kolossus”
Well, it seems rumors of the Mega Shark’s demise were greatly exaggerated, as the good folks at The Asylum Pictures have dusted him off for yet another outing. Either these god-awful movies are more...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Because we haven’t suffered enough: “Hitman: Agent 47”
So, this is really happening, huh? We actually have a remake/reboot/further installment of the Hitman, uh, franchise (please God tell me we don’t have to call it a franchise). This despite the fact...
View ArticleClik here to view.
From the Mists of Time: “Fire Birds”
Believe it or not, there was a time when we, the movie going public, did not yet realize that Nicolas Cage was nuts. Nope, it’s true. Hindsight being 20/20, the signs were there—I give you...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Criminally Overlooked: “Blackhat”
As an avowed fan of Michael Mann, release of his 2015 film Blackhat was a somewhat bittersweet affair. Mann isn’t a prolific filmmaker, so any new film he makes is cause for excitement. But Blackhat...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Invade me twice, shame on me: “Independence Day: Resurgence”
1996’s Independence Day was a perfect summer movie. It had a big budget, eye-popping special effects, arresting visuals, and some charismatic actors. Also, it was dumber than a retarded opossum,...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Shredded like cheese: “The Legend of Tarzan”
Have a gander at my video review of The Legend of Tarzan, in which a hyper-shredded Swede saves Africa with the help of a bunch of bad CGI animals. While you’re at it, check out my review of the...
View ArticleClik here to view.
REPOST: Milla Jovovich (and husband) will eat your brain! “Resident Evil:...
[In preparation for Resident Evil: The Final Chapter I thought I’d repost some of my reviews of earlier installments…you know, so you’re all caught up on the labyrinthine mythology of this series.]...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Only two super powers could make something this gloriously stupid: “The Great...
Not since a giant robot used an oil tanker as a baseball bat to club a sea monster into submission in Pacific Rim has a movie embraced its own glorious dumbness with as much aplomb as The Great Wall....
View Article
